I Choose to Smile

As we walked out of the parking garage, we passed all the shoppers on their way to the mall above us, we started our walk down Na Porici street to our Infertility Clinic. It started to rain. Not just a light rain, but a downpour. As the sky let loose everything it had, Aaron and I ran down the street, dodging other people, trams and busses. His legs are longer than mine, and I am always playing catch-up. I almost rolled an ankle. I thought to myself…this is not a good sign to how our appointment is going to go.

This week, we started making very specific decisions on our next steps in our Infertility process. We started visiting this clinic with the goal of having an IVF procedure. I am anxious and excited to start this part of our journey. We are being reminded that my American mind set of, get-as-many-things-accomplished-or-discussed-in-one-setting, is not going to be the norm here. Our first appointment was a few weeks ago, and based upon the ultrasound (cyst!...on my left ovary! …nobody freak out!…it’s normal…at least normally abnormal…if that makes any sense), they wanted to do another one before we moved on in the process. So, the follow-up happened on a Monday. My doctor was not in, so one of her colleagues performed the ultrasound. …oh and she couldn’t find my right ovary…I guess it didn’t get the memo, today was another ultrasound at 11:00.

Here in the Czech Republic, I have learned (thanks to some good advice from a fellow missionary lady) that you wear a dress anytime you have an appointment with a gynecologist. You know those little gowns you get at the doctor’s office in the US? Those apparently, don’t exist here. So, basically that environment of privacy disappears. It’s amazing, how we know the doctor is going to see it all, but that security blanket (or gown in this case) still makes a difference, no matter how thin or flimsy it feels.

Today, we had the follow-up to the follow-up with our doctor and our IVF Coordinator (she is supposedly a different type of coordinator from the two other coordinators we have already met with). As we entered the office to sit and discuss our plan of action, I heard the doctor mention doing another ultrasound. What? I was wearing PANTS! When I was getting ready this morning, I thought, oh maybe I should wear a dress just in case. Then, my American mind thought, oh you had one yesterday you won’t have another one today…WRONG! …I’m up to three ultrasounds in less than a week. …I’m pretty sure more are on their way! So, as she pulled the curtain to divide the office part from the examination portion of the room, I looked at Aaron, smiled and went behind the curtain. She motioned me to the corner, to undress (I say corner, because that is what it was, no screen or second curtain). Then, she motioned me to walk to the table. Thankfully, I had on a somewhat longer shirt, but still…I will never really get used to that. The results…were…hopeful. …at least both ovaries were in attendance.

I have found that going through these appointments is being put on an emotional rollercoaster ride. After our appointment Monday, and not hearing the greatest, but not the worst news, I was still sad. …Aaron too… Apparently between the two of us, a tray of cupcakes went missing. (It’s okay, we both are still losing weight.) I am sure the gray and rainy skies did not help.

It didn’t help either that we are in this land that is familiar, but unfamiliar. The fact, that we can’t just hop in our car and have an easy drive home, we fight the entire city of Prague. If you have ever driven here, you understand, it’s like an action movie every time you go to the store. Each step, each appointment, each discussion is emotionally draining and exhausting. When we got home, we both collapsed and quickly fell into a sugar coma. However it’s a paradox, I remember thinking at the same time, today I will choose to smile. I choose to rest in knowing that our God is with us and working in us. Then, today, we left with the feeling of hope and excitement of what is to come in the following weeks. So, as we continue on this journey, will you please pray for us. Pray that our emotions can somewhat be stable, and I don’t snap at some poor lady who’s checking me out at the grocery store. …I don’t know what I could actually say in Czech that would be insulting…I’m pretty sure I can say, “See you later." and make it sound pretty bad. Joking aside, Pray that this path that God has lead us to with IVF, will be the tool He uses to make our miracle happen.


This week I received my “olive branch" necklace. I wear it and remember I am holding on to hope, and anticipating joy.