You see, it was during this time, that I started feeling led to share our story. I thought a blog would be the best way for me to communicate it. It is not an easy story for me to share…in fact, my story is not even finished. I also find that it’s hard for me to share things that are so personal. I know what you’re thinking, "Don’t you share about yourself all the time?" ...Sure, I can get up in front of strangers and share about God’s call to missions in our life, and the people He has asked us to minister to. Yes, that is personal…but, in a very different way. Sharing this…the long road of infertility, putting our hopes, desires and feelings out there for all to see (and be judged), being vulernable to what people may think, the questions they ask and the comments they make…that is not so easy. That is a level of intimacy I usually reserve for my husband and family.
...being vulernable to what people may think, the questions they ask and the comments they make…that is not so easy.
I'll do my best at sharing what the Holy Spirit dropped into my heart...
The first part of this verse reads, “the stone that the builder’s rejected, has become the cornerstone". This is talking about Jesus. He was here on earth for a period of time, to offer love, hope and mercy, but was rejected. It was through that rejection that He was crucified and died. His death did not last, as we know, He arose in 3 days and He became our cornerstone. Everything we do, we do because of the cross. It was because of His death and resurrection, He took the punishment for our sin, so we can be forgiven. He destroyed the curse of Adam, and He paid for our healing. That end result, even though it was a burden for Him to bear, painful and terrible to endure...it became something wonderful for us! It is the Good News for the disciples and us, who put their hope, trust and faith in Him.
This helps me to find the answer to the question, “why is this happening to us." I have asked that question many, many times. Why would God make something that we desire, be so difficult to have? Why would God allow us not to conceive? Or mostly, just, why? This verse reminded me that I can trust and have confidence in what God is allowing to happen. It also helped me to decide. Will this burden define my life? …or will I let God use this suffering to share His love?
We can trust that He will do what He has promised to us (Psalm 128:3). We believe He will answer when we call on Him. So, I trust that, “This is the Lord’s doing." and not some curse or a punishment. We can have confidence that in the end “It will be wonderful to see." whatever and however we see our miracle! If Christ suffered for me, maybe I can let His light shine through my pain. Even while we are still struggling, and we have not experienced what we are asking for, God is still God and our faith in Him speaks to hurting people. …I’ve already seen it touching others.
If Christ suffered for me, maybe I can let his light shine through my pain.
…that is when I realized…it WILL BE wonderful to see. It will be such an amazing testimony to share of what God has done! Who are we to know all the why’s and how’s of life? …but in the end; if it is to show someone that God loves us and cares about our desires, if it brings comfort and hope to someone struggling in the same way, …it could even bring someone to Christ because they saw our faith and hope through pain and turmoil...then, wouldn’t it be wonderful to see? That is why, I choose to take this burden, as by Jesus’ example, so that it will be a testimony of God’s love, hope and mercy. This burden is so much smaller than His cross, but it is not one that is easy to bear either. However, I want to carry it in a way that is pleasing to God and shows the faith we have in Him, what a testimony it will be to and for others to see.
Because of this, I have started sharing our story. I don’t know what paths our story will take. I don’t know if it will be over soon, or if it will continue a while longer…all I know, is, it will be wonderful to see.
…and because of that faith and promise, we continue to Hold onto Hope and Anticipate the Joy God has for our family!
Aaron and I outside of Gennet, our Clinic here in Prague. Among the old and historical buildings, stands this modern shiny one, that we are thankful for.